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Funny times these cat owners realized their pets might be evil

There are really only two kinds of people in this world – cat lovers and dirty, unwashed savages. But even those belonging to the second group would probably appreciate these fantastic felines and their possibly evil antics. It all started with one man, who wanted to share with the world the plight of owning the World’s Worst Cat, and things kinda snowballed from there…

Going after the weakest link

By day, Christopher Ingraham is an author and the intrepid data reporter for the Washington Post. By night, but also by day, he does something much, much more important – owning the World’s Worst Cat.


Or so Christopher claims, anyway, as you’ll soon see many people offered up their own contenders for that title. As for his cat, his evil is simple, yet effective. Wishing to wake the entire house up at 6am, the cat realized he needed only to scare the life out of their toddler. So he does just that, and then goes off running, satisfied in a job well done.

The agent of chaos

It might take a while to spot the cat in that photo, but believe us – he’s there. This particular evil genius is called Mario (shouldn’t that be Wario, then?). Despite apparently not having any children, his owner had to install child safety locks on all the doors, because he figured out a way to open them and create as much mayhem as possible.


For his next trick, turning on every single faucet in the house was a worthy encore presentation. There’s really no explanation as to why he did it, either, other than because he’s evil.

Pulling the kitten’s strings

In some cases, ganging up on their human is the only possible recourse a cat has left. Or it’s the first possible recourse. Because they’re cats. This particular one is a mom, and she has apparently trained her kitten to attack their human on command when she’s hungry and he – the gall of the man – is asleep.


Just imagine being woken up repeatedly to a tiny, furious ball of fur clawing at you. Now imagine that happening every day, and you’re halfway to owning a cat. Well, no one really OWNS a cat but you know what we mean.

Well, with a name like that…

We’re not sure if this cat’s official government name really is “Horrible Henry” but we also kind of really want it to be. Look, if you name your cat that – you deserve whatever he’s doing to you. So what does Horrible Henry do?


He starts out the night sleeping in a car, which we suppose isn’t so bad except for the loaded question of how he actually gets into it. Of course, that wouldn’t be living up to his moniker, so he did something a little more on-brand – attack a bag of seeds and knock over a coffee cup. Should’ve named him “Handsome Henry” or something…

No sleep, no worries (some worries)

Before we begin, we’d like to point your attention to the fact that this person’s username says “This cat needs food. Give him all the food.” Have cats evolved opposable thumbs and are now using Twitter? Can anyone check the science on that?


Anyway, it looks so adorable, doesn’t it? We’re sure a cute little guy (girl?) like that can’t do that much harm. Oh, apparently they have made it impossible for their owner to spend a full night asleep in bed. We stand corrected.

Some room for improvement

Autumn here dressed her tabby in this ugly Christmas-type sweater, so can she really complain? Apparently, that sweater has given him abandonment issues, as he cries like an actual human baby whenever he’s left outside a room, any room, for point zero zero zero five seconds.


One day, science will figure out why cats need to be in any particular room and will absolutely lose their minds if that doesn’t immediately happen, but today is probably not that day.

Why are you here?

During these stressful times of a global pandemic, many people have found themselves having to work from home. Some of those people own cats, and probably all of those cat owners have to deal with what Meghan here is dealing with.


Her cat, probably more than a little miffed about not having the house all to themselves anymore, has taken to just staring holes into her in the hope that it would convince her to go away. It hasn’t worked so far, but we’re sure they’ll keep trying regardless.

Good evening, Mr. Bond

So, here’s the thing with this cat. He stares at his owner, with cold, unblinking eyes, until she feeds him. Honestly, it’s not that unusual – or evil – by cat standards, even if it is a bit unnerving waking up to that.


No, what really puts this one over the edge with us is the photo. Look at him! Lit up from below like that, he looks like a James Bond villain. Wait, does he also have his own cat to stroke? Cat-ception!

Dropping the elbow

A lot of cats take seeing their humans sleeping peacefully as a personal affront against them. And since cats are nothing if not extremely moral beings, they have to right this wrong by waking them up.


Now, this is where they let their creative side shine. Some cats bat their humans, others claw or purr… This cat, though, thinks he’s a Mexican luchador, and performs a high-risk maneuver from the door frame in the middle of the night. We guess we know who the heavyweight champ of that household is…

Getting some just retribution

Anyone who thinks cats are vengeful creatures has it all wrong. They’re not vengeful, they just have a highly developed sense of justice. Now, of course we’re not suggesting that they’re crusading warriors of justice, working to end all conflicts or anything like that.


No, they don’t care about any of that. They care about justice for themselves, as this cat clearly did when they bit the boyfriend’s toes for daring to leave them out of it. Hey, they called dibs on that bed!

Quite the busy night then

This person’s cat was a simple cat with simple preferences. He didn’t want any diamond-encrusted collars or food made of the finest endangered reindeer. Well, he probably wouldn’t have said no to those things, but that’s not the point. The point is that this cat knew how to have fun, tearing their multiple screen doors, eating other pets’ food and then fighting them for good measure.


Then, in a tragic twist, he would discover he can’t actually go back into the house, so he’d wake up what few houses in the neighborhood he didn’t break into previously. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a cat.

Sending some very subtle hints

Before we even address this cat’s evildoing ways, we have to give Kate an A-plus for naming him Aaron Purr, better known as the vice president who ended Alexander Hamilton’s life in an illegal duel… while he was vice president! Man, politics used to be so crazy.


Anyway, Aaron Purr apparently takes after his namesake in just taking slowly escalating psychotic steps to wake up his humans. In a follow-up tweet, Kate revealed his other tricks include pulling their hair out with his teeth and sticking his nose into their mouths and breathing heavily like he’s Pennywise the Clown. So a pretty average cat, then.

Developing a Pavlovian response

In his famous series of experiments, physiologist Ivan Pavlov discovered the conditioned reflex when he got dogs to salivate at the mere sound of a buzzer that they had previously heard before receiving food.


Of course, he was a mere human, and this guy’s tabby figured it out in a lot less time. His human, apparently, had a conditioned reflex of his own. If Sam wanted to be chased around the house – and he clearly did – he just needed to turn off the Xbox. It’s so simple a dog could understand it.

No no, she needs that there, okay?

Sometimes, it feels like cats’ apparent evil is just of the most simple, everyday variety. They don’t want to end humanity or anything like that, they just wanted to inconvenience their humans in small, yet significant ways. Is that better?


We think that makes it worse, actually. So here’s this girl, who apparently can’t sleep without resting her human’s belongings against her. Why? How does having a book on her behind help her sleep? The truth is that what helps is probably the thought of her human slowly losing their minds more than anything else.

Guess they’re not just for kids, huh?

This cat’s trendy vest reads, unless we’re way off-base here, “Tricks are for kids.” Considering the orange and black color scheme, it was probably a cute little gimmick for Halloween. But you know what, Heather? You play with fire, you get burned.


Look how innocent her cat appears! Well, we bet they looked downright angelic when they stared her right in the eyes as they locked her out of the house. So who are tricks for now, huh, Heather? Yeah, that’s right. Not just kids.

Those eyes will be the last thing you see

We just love this particular tweet, and the cat we were introduced to therein. It just represents everything that’s catty about cats. They’ll appear sweet and welcoming, drawing you in with purrs and arched backs.


Then, when you actually get close enough to be within striking distance, that’s when they attack. This cat was so good at her job that even in old age, with the fight in her mostly having left, she can still muster an “Come near and you’ll regret it” stare.

He’s only living up to his name

What is it with people and giving cats names that can’t end up being anything else except a self-fulfilling prophesy? This cat was named Chewy, and has done nothing but live up to it since the day he was brought home.


Chewy’s human uses a CPAP, or continuous positive airway pressure. It’s a device that allows people with breathing difficulties to breathe easier. It also allows Chewy to chew the hose that comes with it, to the point that it might actually end his human’s life. “Ah, well,” he would then think in his little cat mind, “totally worth it.”

She rules her, that’s for sure

Every so often, owning a cat is a little like being like in a really bad abusive relationship. You’re sure that deep down the other party loves you, and you certainly love them, but they just keep on hurting you. We’re pretty sure that’s what it’s like for Lisa here.


Her cat seems to physically attack her, and not in a comedic way either, and yet she’s so broken down that she can only muster a weak “She rules.” We’re here for you, Lisa. Blink twice if you need us to call the authorities.

Bilbo would have been proud

First off, we don’t care what this cat did – he operates on the concept of second breakfast, made popular by the Hobbits in J. R. R. Tolkien’s books, and just for that he gets a free pass for pretty much anything.


Except… Yikes, did he really smash their TV set, though? Look, buddy, we love having another breakfast as much as the next fantasy creation, but maybe you should take an anger management class or something. Geez.

Maybe he thinks he’s Aquaman

Usually, cats aren’t the biggest fans of water. They might be okay with drinking it every so often, if there’s literally nothing else available, but taking a bath is simply out of the question.


Perhaps that’s why this person’s cat has taken to turning the entire room into a swimming pool every time their water dish is filled. The fact that its human has invested in filtered water coming out of a fountain just makes the cat’s general air of disdain all the more hilarious.

Swearing eternal vengeance… on bread

Some cats might have an expansive, almost universal outlook on how to commit the most evil acts in life. Other times, though, they have concentrated their hatred with laser-sharp focus. In this particular cat’s case, it’s loaves of bread.


He will shred them to bits like they owe him money if you leave them anywhere near him. What has bread ever done to him? Did a couple of marble ryes once beat him up in an alley somewhere? We’ll probably never know.

More magpie than cat

To some people, it might some like having a cat is not unlike being a hostage for about a decade or so. Sure, you fear for you and your family’s life, but eventually you start thinking your captor is an overall nice guy.


Case in point – Dexter, whose family had him for ten full years. And in that decade, he has stolen every single thing of value that they owned. Did he sell those valuables on the black market to feed his crippling catnip habit? Nope, he just hid them in the ceiling. Wait, how in the world did he even get up there?!

Are you not hearing this?

Like their canine frenemies, cats also have a problem with delayed gratification. Or, in simple English, you better not make them wait. For anything.


Now, the difference is that while dogs may give you puppy eyes, or let out a small mournful cry, cats will do something like this. Yes, with the animal in the house banging its plate on the floor until it gets fed, it might be easy to forget who the dominant species on this planet is.

Take it in, human

Regardless of anything else, “Mr. Baps” is a fantastic name for a cat. It was probably clear from the off that this cat was destined to do great things, too.


Well, if by “great things” you mean get all up in his human’s business until he’s virtually being inhaled by them, then yes, that’s totally what he does. Everyone needs a hobby, but we have to wonder what the end-game here is. What do you want, Mr. Baps? Why won’t you just tell us?!

Never heard him – or anything – coming

They say that no good deed goes unpunished, and it seems like that was true in this instance, even though the good deed in question was performed by an uninvolved human. You see, they were kind enough to cat-sit their friend’s deaf cat, but of course their own feline didn’t like that one bit.


Uncaring that he couldn’t hear him sneaking up on him, or maybe because of that fact, he would attack him without provocation and then run away. Someone stop cat-on-cat crime. Him also going after the dog seems like an afterthought at this point.

Eyebrows on fleek

Honestly, it’s like sometimes we don’t deserve cats. They’re these beautiful, selfless beings sent to us from the heavens, and we do nothing but weigh them down with our stupid human frailties. Take “Feral Shouting Yam,” if that is indeed their real name.


They would go to the beauty salon and pay hundreds of dollars to get their eyebrows just so. Their cat provided the same service, unsolicited but free of charge, at three in the morning, and they complain. Well, that’s gratitude for you…

If it first you don’t succeed…

Cats have many interesting ways to get their humans to wake up and pay attention to them. This particular cat’s method is clawing at the sheets at six in the morning until she’s told to knock it off.


Just to give her human the illusion that he’s in control, she does… Until she moves to the foot of the bed where he can’t reach her, that is. Nothing for it – sometimes humans just need to learn their place in the world.

Spill the unspillable

And now, we present entry number five million and seven in cats’ eternal struggle against the stuff that makes up 70% of the planet. This particular tomcat believes that no water should remain unspilled on his watch, so he has made it his life’s mission to just mess up every water bowl he’s ever had.


Hoping against hope to outsmart him, his humans have gotten him this new device. By the looks of him, he’ll find a way to tip that over too. Don’t worry – he’s got all the time in the world.

Nevermind, too much work

We’re honestly not sure what the “THIS” in this tweet is referring to. We actually like it that we don’t know. It sort of leaves it wide open to be every conceivable bad cat behavior under the sun.


Whatever it was, the cat was apparently doing it in secret until its owners finally wisened up and figured it out. Then, they came up with the perfect solution. There was nothing that could possibly stop their little demon… except for its own laziness, apparently.

Luck of the Irish

“O’Dark Thirty” is a fantastic way to describe that precise moment where you wake up, look at the clock, and go, “Oh, God, take me now.”


McGregor, who’s apparently Irish we guess, likes to utilize that particular hour to claw at his human’s face for no other crime than his bowl not being completely topped off. It’s not empty, mind you. Not even close to empty, in fact. He can just see the bottom, and that disturbs him on a deep, spiritual level that a human would never understand.

Moonstruck

This cat’s name, Luna, comes from the Latin word for “moon.” It’s only too fitting, we suppose, that the moon apparently sends her into a crime spree. Shredding everything she can get her claws on? Check. Knocking random stuff off the counter? Check.


Fighting with the other cats? Check and check! Wait, at the end she says Luna teaches them to root around in the garbage. So… Is that before or after the ritual beatings? Either answer would be disturbing, really.

Just wait until he comes up for air

Even though this cat is black and not red, he seems they have taken to heart the principal rule of communism – ‘what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is also mine.’ His human, God bless her, still believes there are good things in this world.


So when she wants something to drink, she also brings a cup for her cat, so he doesn’t feel left out. Of course, how could he feel left out when he has TWO wonderful cups all to himself? Silly thirsty human.

Blast from the feline past

This particular story is for all the old codgers out there in internet land, who still remember what landline phones are. Anyone? Anyone at all? Bueller? Now that all the kiddies have left, let’s talk turkey.


This guy’s cat, whose name was One Eyed Willie and we’d really like to know the story of how he got it, had some kind of personal vendetta against their landline. It’s unclear why, but cats are above such things as “reasons” anyway. So he’d knock the receiver off, leaving them completely inaccessible. Man, those sure were the days, huh?

Long night, huh?

Sometimes, it can be as simple as saying their cat is the World’s Worst Cat for continually swiping their face, presumably without any prior provocation whatsoever.


Honestly, it might even be a bit too simple, leading us to quickly move on, had it not been for that absolute screamer of a photo. Just look at him, in his “draw me like one of your French girls” pose, lying on top of not one but two shoes, to maximize the discomfort he causes even when he’s out cold.

Could he BE any more of a cat?

In this post, it’s the photos that tell the whole story. Well, if a picture is worth 1,000 words, than these are worth 4,000 at least. In one, we have Chandler just hanging over the top of the television as if he was stuffed and mounted there.


In another, he’s hanging onto a lighting fixture by biting it (?!). The other two, where he’s hanging on a Christmas tree and a curtain, then look almost normal by comparison. We’re betting no one told Ashley life was gonna be this way…